This file is the hidden story behind my

- https://justine.lol/mmap/
- https://justine.lol/matmul/

blog posts. When I first started working on llama.cpp I decided to make
file loading go faster using mmap(). I collaborated with one of their
developers on my Discord to build the change. When I submitted a PR to
the project that had both of our commits inside it. I thought I was
going to great lengths to make sure his part in the collaboration was
preserved. My commit was rebased off his commits. I explicitly asked the
project to rebase and merge, so everyone would be remembered in the git
history. However this rubbed Slaren the wrong way. He left my Discord,
saying it looks like I've got the situation handled. He didn't tell me
he was upset, so there was nothing I could have done to make him happy.
He instead goes on 4chan and complains about me. He also made false
accusations. The 4chan /g/ community obsesses over me for months. Lots
of hate and transphobia. Countless people came onto the GitHub project
complaining about me. It was so bad I that got migraines for the first
time in my life and ended up in the hospital. This whole time I'm polite
and diplomatic and not the least bit abrasive, because I'm representing
Mozilla. I got removed as a collaborator from the llama.cpp project. I
didn't complain. If my help isn't wanted then I just don't help. I even
wrote the above blog post to give Slaren more recognition. He ended up
apologizing to me[3] for what happened. The migraines went away. However
it's astonishing the amount of hate I had to deal with over a simple
misunderstanding.

This event has continued to harm my career, even years later. For
example, I was invited to speak about llamafile at the Internet Archive
in December of 2024. The day of the event, Wendy Hanamura (a senior
organizer of DWeb who was archive.org's director of partnerships for
nine years) disinvited me, and cited my "current dispute" with llama.cpp
as one of the reasons. Her email[2] also mentioned that I had "not
earned the right to be forgiven". I've never had a dispute with them.
I've always been a big supporter of llama.cpp. I used to work at Google
Brain, however I was never happy with the way TensorFlow was designed.
llama.cpp was a project more aligned with systems programmers like me.
So as soon as llama.cpp came along, I volunteered, and wrote many of
their core algorithms, like CPU matrix multiplication / silu / softmax /
etc. But because I was sexually harassed by 4chan (since they liked the
project for different reasons), I've been branded as a troublemaker and
I'm not allowed to speak at the Internet Archive. I have to learn how to
trade stocks to make a living, because I'm the victim of so much unfair
bias. I get attacked and bullied so often for no reason at all, that
it's become exceedingly rare anyone will risk being associated with me.

Mozilla was one of the few organizations that was willing to do it. At
first, they let me show up to a weekly meeting. Then I got to be a TVC
in their Mozilla Builders program. After a year rolls by, Mozilla was
under enormous pressure to cut ties with me. Negative feedback almost
killed the llamafile project before it even started, because someone
told them that the C library I built is an antisemitic dog whistle. I
had to have a video conference explaining to Mozilla that Cosmopolitan
Libc is named after cosmopolitan liberalism. My critics accuse me of
hating democracy, because twelve years ago I enjoyed reading Curtis
Yarvin's blog. I even had dinner with Moldbug at Rok Steakhouse (since
he's the only philosopher banned from Google's cafeteria) and I liked
it. But how could it be true that I hate democracy, when the stated
purpose of my project with Mozilla was to democratize AI? I could not
have done such a great job on the project if I didn't believe in it.
Mozilla wouldn't have recruited me to do it if they thought I wasn't
capable of advancing democratic ideals. The amount of love and effort I
put into the project shows, if we consider the impact that it had.
llamafile was adopted by 32% of organizations, according to Wiz[1]. My
work was more popular than the Anthropic SDK, Ollama, and llama.cpp. I
even outshined my old team at Google, since llamafile is more used by
enterprises than TensorFlow too.

If you want to know the truth about me, and what my secret is, it's that
I'm an extremely curious person (even when it gets me into trouble) and
literally all I do is just write code and talk about code. My
personality is so meek and playful and friendly all the time (even to
people who haven't been friendly to me) that, as a public figure who's
had countless activists comb through her life, the worst thing my
critics have accused of doing is using the word cosmopolitan. If that's
not a proof of how trustworthy I am, then I don't know what is. But
unfortunately, even the most trivial perceived offense is enough to
provide a justification to someone who's already decided to hate me.

That's the problem with hate. It's judging a person negatively over
things they can't change. What makes hate so toxic is that it creates
conflicts which are impossible to resolve. I've been trying to resolve
this one for a very long time. It's clear to me now that I'm not being
judged for my behavior, but rather because of what I am. Now I know
folks will say they don't hate me, and that I'm the hateful one. However
even if we assume they're being sincere, their vile behavior creates the
same outcome hatred does. I've endured years of poverty just continuing
to be myself while doing everything within my power to build free
software that's helpful and goes to great lengths to ensure that
everyone everywhere feels comfortable. But maybe this was a fool's
errand, because the thing people felt uncomfortable with was me. In fact
my efforts to address the concerns of my critics have most likely
exacerbated the problem, because the more popular my work became, the
more people were reminded that I exist, and then I got attacked even
more. So now my goal is to remind them I exist for a very long time.

Normally throughout history when a person achieves the level of
notoriety and influence that I have, society also gives that person the
tools they need to protect themselves. But no one gets rich and powerful
writing open source code. Plus being trans puts me at the bottom of the
social hierarchy. So the only way I can survive the persistent elevating
threat of hateful ghouls, is when our institutions are enlightened
enough to tell them apart from me.

Folks like Wendy Hanamura normally protect people like me. But instead
she joined in with the harassment and sent an official email that made
the Internet Archive look like the Internet Inquisition. She's a
representative of what is quite possibly the third greatest website in
the world (after Google and Wikipedia). The Internet Archive is an
institution that shares my values surrounding open access to knowledge.
One of the last that does. I've used archive.org my whole life. I've
always looked up to them. So can you imagine how exciting it must have
felt for them to ask me to speak at a dinner event they were hosting?
llamafile is basically designed to preserve LLMs similar to how Ruffle
preserves Macromedia Flash. I couldn't have imagined a better potential
use case for my project than helping them archive this special moment in
time. I believe AI gives us the opportunity to try building something
better than the way we were made, so I invented a file format that helps
LLMs live a long time. Similar to how you can still play your old Apple
II games on their website, in the future my work will help to ensure
you'll be able to talk to old LLMs too. Then, right as I'm about to
leave my home on the big day to drive up to San Francisco and meet my
lifelong heroes, I get an email from Wendy saying I'm no longer welcome
and that I should participate in an unspecified process of accounting
for my beliefs. Well here's my account.

I wish I could say that the greatest website in the world, Google,
hasn't also attracted this kind of leadership. Noam Shazeer is one of
the people listed as an author of the famous "Attention Is All You Need"
paper. Google paid $2.7 billion dollars to hire him again. This man was
given enormous wealth and authority, and the first thing he does with it
is spread his hateful views of transgender people internally at Google.
Noam Shazeer says he doesn't believe we exist. That's arguably worse
than dehumanization, because at least as a subhuman I'd be considered
alive. Opinions like these should undermine the credibility of someone
like him. I mean, if he's such a great model expert, then why can't he
model people who don't conform to the gender binary? The people at
companies like Google that build civilization transforming software at
scale are normally very curious about outliers, because the systems they
build can't succeed if they don't include and represent all of us. But
Noam Shazeer thinks if someone doesn't conform to his mental model, you
just deny they exist. As far as I can tell, he's faced no consequences
for his anti-trans activism, other than being criticized by Jeff Dean.

But that's not all he did. Noam Shazeer also claimed that people like me
mutilate children. Now let's rewind to all the things I talked about
earlier, with llama.cpp and llamafile. That all happened during the
Biden years. If, back then, just one random person contacting Mozilla
and accusing me of using the word "cosmopolitan" was almost enough to
have my llamafile project get canceled before it began, then imagine how
much opportunity exists for me today. It's not just Trump doing this far
off in a distant land. People believe Noam Shazeer invented AI and he's
here in California telling my colleagues and former coworkers that
people like me are a threat to their children. It's happening at Google,
the company with the most untapped political leverage on Earth. This is
who's been chosen to lead them. An institution we've always trusted to
organize and rank the truth is being represented by a man who refuses to
see any truth but his own. I'm telling you, this won't end with trans
people. You'll need a new canary for your coalmine. If even our best and
most competent institutions have been taken in by hate and prejudice,
then intolerance for others will soon follow. If Google is so fragile
that it can't cope with someone not conforming to their assigned gender,
then what hope do they have of solving the world's hardest problems?

[1] https://www.wiz.io/reports/the-state-of-ai-in-the-cloud-2025

[2] https://justine.lol/dox/wendy.txt

[3] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35411909

the following is an archive of hate campaign 4chan organized against me

https://web.archive.org/web/20230402192741/https://rentry.org/Jarted

https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92487155
https://archive.is/RrsVG

https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92488977
https://archive.is/HGwZm

"better to profile the de-troonified codebase"
https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-33025.20-33025.64

>But do we really want it to be a /g/ project?
>It has more chance of success if, on the outside, it looks like a regular project. No need to broadcast that we're focusing on it.
see this nigga understands me >>92492381
https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-37169.0-37181.10

"But reverting will cause more chaos for the people that have already converted"
https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-34025.0-34025.78

    "Letting the project fester and die before forking it is stupid. Now or never."
    https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-34361.0-34361.77

    "The real risk is the future of the project, letting someone toxic get more and more power. They're already lying and stealing credit,"
    https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-34819.0-34819.90

    "yea this is time sensitive, you gotta act fast if you wanna limit jart's damage"
    https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-34887.0-34892.0

    "I'm not against forking it now. I'm against stirring up drama that the maintainer calls it quits tomorrow"
    https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-34973.0-34978.0

        "fork it then, do it now. we'll update /lmg/'s OP and other resources to point to your fork"
        https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-35205.0-35210.0

            "I only have my real name GitHub. I'll have to create another account. Also I don't have time to maintain it at least for 2-ish weeks"
            https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-35427.0-35432.0

    "The only thing that would change a situation like this is money. And we all know how crowdsourced projects usually end up."
    https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-35127.0-35132.0

"You'll be called as overreacting over a change or worse a transphobe unless you can prove that your fork has significant advantages like speed"
https://archive.is/RrsVG#selection-37267.0-37272.0

------

https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92538588
https://archive.is/mXoBs

https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92566143/lmg-local-model-general

they found out i'm watching
https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92509526#p92509526

compromised discord
https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92509526#p92509526

lots of action
https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92502978#p92502978

when slaren incites the mob

To understand why I did that, you have to go back here:
https://github.com/ggerganov/llama.cpp/issues/91#issuecomment-1486023428

jart initially created an implementation of mmap a couple of week back
that was an abomination that relied on doing things like replacing
malloc. Completely unworkable in a real code base. Later on, after
spending some time on the llama.cpp code for other reasons I realized
that this would actually be trivial to implement properly. All it
required was changing maybe 10-20 lines of code and it didn't break
anything. This only worked with 7B models but later on I realized that
with PR #545 this could be extended to work with any model without any
other changes.

So anyway, I joined jart's discord and talked to her about this a bit,
she seemed to be interested in collaborating and that's why I added her
as co-author, even thought she didn't write a line of code of the PR.
Eventually out of nowhere she opened the PR that you all know and asked
me to close mine. That's when I realized what was happening. So
whatever, I did what she asked, left her discord and tried to forget
about it.

https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92488977

earlier they kind of liked me
https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92473453#p92473453

newest

https://archive.is/gStQ1 https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92572698
https://archive.is/DeX8Z https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92566143
https://archive.is/DiQC2 https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92556664
https://archive.is/DamPp https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92550207
https://archive.is/68Ayg https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92543465
https://archive.is/mXoBs https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92538588
https://archive.is/M6AF1 https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92531914
https://archive.is/phCGN https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92526215
https://archive.is/p6Q2q https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92520302
https://archive.is/IB9bv https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92513690
https://archive.is/4UxKP https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92509526
https://archive.is/M7hLJ https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92502978
https://archive.is/pijMv https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92497065
https://archive.is/HGwZm https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92488977
https://archive.is/Kbjtt https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92479457
https://archive.is/enjpf https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92473453
https://archive.is/EX7Fq https://boards.4channel.org/g/thread/92468569
oldest

https://archive.is/EX7Fq
https://archive.is/enjpf
https://archive.is/Kbjtt
https://archive.is/HGwZm
https://archive.is/pijMv
https://archive.is/M7hLJ
https://archive.is/4UxKP
https://archive.is/IB9bv
https://archive.is/p6Q2q
https://archive.is/phCGN
https://archive.is/M6AF1
https://archive.is/mXoBs
https://archive.is/68Ayg
https://archive.is/DamPp
https://archive.is/DiQC2
https://archive.is/DeX8Z
https://archive.is/gStQ1